i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
