At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
