Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
