Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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