At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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