Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You pole danced in your parka.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
