either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
