I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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