I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's blow job season.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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