he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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