If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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