Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
