how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
