You're so nebulous sometimes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
