I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
