im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
