Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
