I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
