She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
