Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
