As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize