Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
