His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
