i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize