I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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