i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
