which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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