just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
