DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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