Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
