i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
