Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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