I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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