Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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