you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
