Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
