You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.