Where is the hickey?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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