Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.