ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
