I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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