no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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