"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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