would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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