Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
