You're my little dorito
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
