Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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