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i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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