I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
