There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
