I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
