You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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