I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We are two peas in an std pod
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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