This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
