I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
