I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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