I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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