You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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