you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
