If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
