I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
