As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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