We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
