He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My cat gives me a boner
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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