I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
