i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
