I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
