I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How external is "for external use only"?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
