$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Someone came in the potted fern
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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