so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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