the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Life is so much better after having sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
