Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
