Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
