I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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