He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
