yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
