are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
