I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize